Abez sez Assalamualaikum!

Islam, Autism, Mom-ism.

Appallingly busy these days and moderately distressed. 🙁 Help! Anybody wanna guest post? I’ll even make a little competition. Ok, here it is, whoever answers this following question (in the affirmative) first will get to guest post. (Sorry for the delay Usman, I can’t even post on my OWN site right now….) And the question…

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A little aluminum foil underneath your scarf will keep the aliens from sucking your brains out. Remember how on one of my previous blogs I was complaining about my tailor? How he made my pants too small and made my shirt smell like armpits before I even got to wear it (and stink it up…

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Today, as my mother, Aniraz, and I drove through town, running our various errands, we achieved something of monumental and insidious potential: we distributed dozens of flies from our neighborhood to other parts of Islamabad, shooing a few out here and there every time we were able to stop at an intersection and swat at…

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News Flash: My momma has a new blog, and I’ll try to get her to update it weekly by Friday. Visit at www.ourmarvymomma.blogspot.com I finally put two pics up on my fotolog. They were both taken with a highly horrible borrowed digital cam, and so I apologize for the complete lack of quality. The first…

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Two fish sitting in a tank. One turns and says to the other, ‘Hey, you know how to drive this thing?” Amazingly, this week has gone been much faster than previous weeks. Maybe that’s because I’ve been putting off all my work till the last minute, and the clock seems to move much faster when…

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You know, I’m starting to get some more of those Cosmoplanetary, Jesmopolitain vibes…just call me mellow yellow, cuz I feel like melting in the computer chair and chillin, just staring at the trippy ambience in the windows media player and listening to Raihan. (Syukur, syukur! syukur ya Allah!) My brain’s on vacation today, instead of…

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I mortally wounded myself, just to make you guys happy. I present: How to Mortally Wound Yourself While Cleaning Off The Table. -or- How to Make Carrot Upside-down Cake. Clean off the remnants of Easter dinner, and cover a largely un-touched carrot cake with plastic wrap, marveling at the skill with which it is applied…

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Sorry my comments aren’t working, squawkbox.tv is having server probs. Speaking of problems, the annual Battle of the Bugs is well underway. Every spring, once the weather gets a bit warmer, insects of all kinds come out in full force and lay siege to my house. I think I’ve already mentioned Major Mooch-a-lot of the…

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I beg a thousand pardons of y’all, for I overbooked my weekend and hadn’t had the time to write an update yet. Friday was English Night, this Saturday was a party, tomorrow is Easter Dinner for my mother. Aasif jiddan. Party’s over, the house is *relatively* clean and the only things still lingering are two…

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Well, it happens every summer so today was a good enough day as any: I swallowed a bug. No, I don’t know what kind it was. No, it wasn’t salty, or sweet for that matter. No, I didn’t chew or swallow. Eeeee….I’m grossing myself out now, so I’ll stop. The car is repaired (YAAAYY!!!!) and…

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Doctor: There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong. -Monty Python Well folks, I was kinda sick today and yesterday, but it was nothing that a day off work, a three hour nap and a two hour shower couldn’t fix. Antibiotics were a help too, and my mom made cream of mushroom…

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Eat My Dust? Last night we had the first spring dust storm. I wish I could think of a word stronger than storm, because it doesn’t seem to fully describe the sight. The visibility is down to about 30 feet, the air is thick with gritty, yellow dirt, rising from the ground like smoke in…

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Ha Ha! My little brother in the states is reading my blog! Hi sir! I so happy! I therefore dedicate this blog to him. AssalamuAlaikum Zaman! Well, I have distressing news to relate. You know that one fly trapped in my fly-trap? It escaped. :::drops head into hands and wails. Oh the agony!::: See, the…

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My second art gallery visit was much better than the first. I was quite impressed with the quality of the art there, and I came home thinking artsy thoughts…thinking about pulling out my sister’s water colors or finger-painting with food coloring if she won’t let me use her paint. I saw lots of things I…

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I May Not Know Art, But I Know What I Like! I get tired of mortally wounding myself, and yet I just can’t seem to stop. Ere go: How To Mortally Wound Yourself While Baking Crackers Don’t ask me why we’re baking crackers. Pakistan is a hands-on kinda place, and if you want your own…

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I can’t believe how busy I’ve been this week. I, who usually do something fun roughly every six months, have been out almost every other day this week. Saturday: Lunch with friends, Tuesday: Dinner with Friends, Today: Book club with friends, Tomorrow: Anti-war art exhibit, This Saturday: Tea and then to an art gallery. I’m…

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Mosquito bites are back in fashion. That’s my excuse for having so many of them. Being a hijabi-jilbabi no one can see the ones on my arms that are as big as pennies, but my face is not so lucky. When the mosquitoes start biting my face (that part of me tastes the best, they…

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Here we go again: How to Mortally Wound Yourself While Trying to Answer the Phone In order to do this successfully, you must have only one phone, and it has to be downstairs. Now, go upstairs and wait for the phone to ring. When it does ring, run headlong down the stairs at break-neck speed….

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If this blog is funny-lookin, sorry, we’re having technical difficulties. Anyone fluent in HTML: please email me! I need help!!! You guys…I’m at it again…sometimes I have mad inventive schemes. This week’s is a fly catcher. Yes, a device to catch flies. No, I’m not nuts, stop looking at me like that. Pakistan has BILIONS…

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American Christian + Pakistani Muslim = FUNdamentalist Hijabi? In honor o’ Saint Patty’s day…oops…I mean cuz Yaz asked, here’s wassap with my family. My dad (a Pakistani Muslim) traveled all over the world (as a teacher, then a sailor, then a waiter, then a cook) and ended up in the US where he met my…

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The process begins anew: my mother has just cranked up some gospel rock and started a triple batch of peanut butter cookies. According to the angry Christian guy in the stereo: God’s got an army/not afraid to fight/soldiers of the cross/children of the light. Warriors of righteousness/with healing in their hands/God’s got an army/marching through…

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Je-tu present: Dinner Theater Blog A one-act farce by Abez A. Rat Act one Garcon: Good evening Madame, welcome to Chez du Rat trop Paresseux pour Cuisiner. Ey-yam Guy de Maupassant, and I vill be your vaiter tonight. ‘ow may I be of service to you? Me: I’m hungry, you got eats? Garcon: (kissing his…

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