I had a whole different blog typed for today, but when I got on and took a look at my tag board, I decided to write something else instead. There are a few bizarre things happening on tag board right that I would like to address:

“… let us have a Muslim Dating Service, if am not mistaken, it was your (Aniraz’s) idea. and please don’t say these things are messing the world already. the more freedom we have, the more wonderful it will become. everybody wants that, including fundus and non-fundus…”

Aniraz washes her hands of the idea. It was intended as a joke, and most people understood it because it was such an outrageous suggestion that our fellows FUNdus reading it went, Ha ha ha, Yuk. And then it was over. Muslims would never take it seriously. However, since this is an international blog (what with the internet being the world-wide-web and all) I have some people who visit that aren’t part of my circle of FUNdus. I will therefore explain why dating is so nasty.

1. The biggest reason of all is, and always will be, cuz ISLAM SEZ SO!
There are veritable volumes of material available in Islamic tradition and scripture that tell us that fornication is wrong wrong wrong. I’m not going to put them all here because it would be very, very long. If you’re a Muslim reading this, you know what I’m talking about. If you’re not a Muslim, email me and I‘ll give you the verses if you’re interested in reading them.

2. Dating is degrading to the sanctity of human sexuality and relations. Once upon a time, a physical relationship was an extremely private and extremely sacred thing. You guarded your chastity and modesty for your whole life, waiting for someone who was worth spending the rest of your life with, and when you found that someone, you pledged yourself to them and only them. Neither husband nor wife would ever had touched anyone else, neither of them were used or damaged goods when they married. The phrase, ‘Only you,’ had more meaning back then. If you said it, it was like, “Only you darling, from the day I was born until the day I die.” Now it’s more like, “Only you darling, for now, until I find someone else.”

3. What are we talking about? Dirty underwear?
Like a physical relationship, underwear is an intimate, one-person-only thing, and once you’ve worn it once, it’s not fit for someone else to wear. You just can’t wear anyone else’s underwear! That’s disgusting, and that’s what dating turns everyone into- a pair of dirty underwear. You, poor guy, wander around trying to find a good wife, you find one, but somehow you’re supposed to be ok with the fact that she’s already used and your not the only guy she’s been with.

On the other hand, for the girls trying to get married, you search desperately for the man of you dreams and give yourself a nervous breakdown trying to please him because you know that if you don’t give him what he wants, he can go and get it from any other woman.

4. Dating makes humans disposable and relationships cheap. So cheap, in fact, that some people have called it a legalized form of prostitution. Dinner + Movie = Relations. In many cases, date-rape occurs when the guys feels cheated after giving the girl dinner and a movie, so he takes what he feels she owed him.

Now I know people are gonna jump down my throat and tell me that not all dates end in either sex or rape. Yes, thank you, I know that. But you cannot deny that a predominantly large number of them end up at that point eventually, sex more often than rape. You could find a practicing Jain Nun in America before you found a person over the age of legal consent who still had their virginity. (No insult to Jainism, it’s just not very common)

Dating is what happens when the system goes out of control. Here’s what the system is supposed to be like: Boy notices girl and likes her. If he likes her SO much that he wants to marry her, he asks her. She can say yes on the spot (which is rare and a bit impetuous anyway) or she can say, hold on, I’d like to get to know you in a better and yet completely halal way. So then they meet for lunch with one of her Mahram, or exchange letters that are open for parties on both sides to read. Then you sez, gee, that’s lame, they don’t get any privacy! Then I sez: they’re not married. You can determine whether or not someone is a nice/marriage-worthy person without having to inspect them privately, ok?

The traits you look for in a good spouse- kindness, honesty, intelligence, similar religious inclinations, can be discovered without necking first. In fact, chances are you’d be more objective about choosing a spouse if you weren’t lusting over them so badly that your logic was warped. Therefore, privacy is counter-productive to making an intelligent and well-informed choice.

There’s nothing wrong with seeing a person for the purpose of knowing them better to decide if you want to marry them, so long as you DON’T VIOLATE ANY OF THE ISLAMIC RULES! No being alone together, no touching, no flirting, no risque anything. Get it? Got it? Good.

And now my second spiel: Freedom is not an ultimate good. What if everyone had the freedom to kill everyone that they wanted to? Well, would it still be considered murder, or would it be ok because it was done in the name of freedom? What about if everyone had the freedom to take whatever they wanted to? Would we still call that theft or rape, or would it be ok because it was done in the name of freedom?

Some people think that freedom means doing whatever you feel like doing. That doesn’t sound like freedom to me, that sounds like a recipe for disaster: what if people suddenly cried out for the freedom of watching child pornography, the way that some people are doing in the US right now? What if they demanded the freedom for incest?

They’re already demanding the freedom to take whatever drugs they want, they’ve got the freedom to drink alcohol and then go crashing into other cars, killing innocent people. They’ve got the freedom to sleep around with whoever they want despite the fact that it’s turning AIDS, STD’s and single-parent children into a national epidemic. None of this is real freedom. It’s anarchy.

The same applies to pre-marital relations and fornication. I don’t care whether you do it in the name of freedom or love or whatever warm-and fuzzy crap people believe in, it’s still called fornication!

We FUNdus are not waiting for someone to liberate us from our Islamic ‘Religious Imprisonment‘ (ha!). People say that we follow it only because we are forced to, but that’s because they can’t imagine anyone taking this path of their own volition, that’s because they have no understanding of Islam. I don’t need anyone to free me, I don’t need to date, and I certainly don’t want to be used or abused by a whole series of opportunistic losers before I find someone worth marrying.

I am not public domain.


Abez is a 50% white, 50% Pakistani, and 100% Muslim. She is also chronically ill and terminally awesome. She is the ever-lovin Momma of: - Khalid, a special little boy with autism - Iman, a special little girl with especially big hair -Musfira, an especially devious baby Spoiler, Abez is also Zeba Khan on Muslimmatters.org.

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