Abez sez Assalamualaikum!

Before I begin my usual blogging nonsense, I have to make a formal and public apology to Maria (MSD). Though I did attack dating, I did not mean to attack you. I am very, very, very sorry for offending you. God Forbid that all Muslims should combine aggression with religious discourse. That was not my intention, though that may have been my result. I ask you to please forgive me in this life, because otherwise I’ll have to cough up some of my good deeds to you in the next life and as it is, I’m a loser with very few good deeds. Please accept my humblest apologies.

A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet, unless it were made of bread dough.

Presenting: the next installment in the Battle Betwixt the Bugs and Us. Today, termites tried sneaking out of both the bathroom drain and the kitchen drain simultaneously. So, Aniraz and I retaliated, and we poured acid down both of the drains, simultaneously. mwahaha!

This evening, I went out to the back porch to throw in a load of laundry, when I noticed a dark almond-shaped thing near my foot. I bent a little closer and saw it was a roach, a dead, king-sized sewer roach. I backed up, horrified, and then noticed that I was surrounded by at least a dozen of them: industrial sized roach corpses in a horrifying display of carnage. :::shudders::: It turns out that the acid we poured down the drains killed more than termites. Ha!

Now if only we can figure out something to get the mosquitoes with. They mauled me last night. I have more bumps on my right leg than a leopard has spots because it was sticking out from underneath my blanket. Opportunistic little vampires…

Well, on a less-than six-legged note, I know I have some links to add to my blog, but I don’t want to pass the task on to my magnanimous pro-bono techie, Tora. I’ve annoyed him enough, and since they just installed Microsoft Front Page at my sister’s office, I think I’ll drop in one day and see if I can figure it out. Another thing I’m trying to figure out: how can I make my own backgammon board? I went shopping around for one and found only tiny expensive ones.

Usually, all board games come in two variations. The first variation is the expensive one: usually wood and brass, and usually for people who play everyday and are therefore willing to cough up fifty dollars for a game. (I am SO jealous of one of my student’s boards, she brought hers from Turkey) The other variation if the mass-produced version: in cardboard and plastic. That’s for losers like me that don’t care too terribly much about what material the board is made off because you can still play the game on it. (as long as it’s not hideous) So I’m trying to find a cheap backgammon board, and all I’m finding is small and expensive ones.

Aniraz and I made a chess set once, when we were living in Karachi in my uncle’s house, waiting for the rest of the family to show up. (long story, I think I told it already) So we were there with nothing to do and no mode of transportation, and we thought, Aha! We should make a chess board! So we looked around to see what raw materials were available for the project. We found cardboard, straight pins, a black marker and bread-dough. I don’t need to tell you that the board was -ahem- substandard looking.

My pawns were shaped as arches, Aniraz’s were shaped like donuts. Our kings and queens had pins pressed into them as the spikes on their crowns. You would think that the game plays the same no matter what the pieces look like, but in actuality, when the pieces are that ugly, the game just cannot go on. You look at the pieces, trying to plan a strategy of some sort, and you just end up getting visually offended by the sheer ugliness of it all and throwing them at your opponent.

Well, as long as I find a backgammon board that isn’t made of bread dough and pins, I’ll be happy. I’ve taken stock of what kind of materials I can use, I have some black velour, some scotch tape, some yellow felt, two kilos of powdered sugar and some bread dough. Hmmm. We ate all of yesterday’s pastry puffs, otherwise we could’ve colored them and varnished them and used them as pieces. They were the right size too…

I’m tattling on Aniraz. She’s menacing me with the paper-hole puncher and coughing little diseased paper circles at me. (they’re coming out of her palm, not her lungs) It sounds gross, but who cares! It’s the truth! The world must know! And with that wholly useless blog, I bid thee all adieu.

Remember people, “Oh Ye who believe! If you fear Allah, He will give you (power of) discrimination between right and wrong and will rid you of your evil thoughts and deeds and will forgive you. Allah is of infinite bounty.” -The Holy Qur’an, 8:29

Leave a Reply

Post Navigation

%d bloggers like this: