Abez sez Assalamualaikum!

La la la! It’s Saturday and I’m excited about what possibilities the weekend may hold.

First of all, there’s a can of blueberry pie-filling in the fridge, which is beauteous in and of itself. Second, the car is clean and has a full tank of gas. Third, I’m wearing a pink shalwar qameez. This is also exciting, though slightly gaudy.

I figure that a combination of all three of these factors should make for an interesting weekend. All I have to do is figure out which combination will get the maximum entertainment value. I could eat pie filling while driving around town in my pink shalwar qameez, but methinks that would be way too blasé. It would be more exciting to:

* Tie the can of pie filling to the end of my pink dupatta and fashion (or the lack thereof) a make-shift flail/mace/weapon thingie. I could then test my weapons skills on the goats who invade our front lawn, though I think it might be a waste of blueberries.

* Spill pie filling on my pink qameez, drive down to Shifa hospital and fake a ‘death by blueberries’ death scene. I do have connections (one of the ER doctors is married to a friend of mine) so I might not get in TOO much trouble. But still. Hmmm.

* Tie one end of the dupatta around my head and the other to the bumper of my car. It would be interesting to see how far I could pull it (very Punjabi of me, no?). It’s a Mehran, a miniature car with less CC than the average American lawnmower. I bet I could get as far as Blue Area with nothing to sustain me but the blueberry pie filling.

* Remove all the removable bits from the engine of my car, ingeniously fit them instead into the empty can (having eaten the pie filling) and then drive the can-cum-car down the street and wave to my adoring public. While wearing the pink shalwar qameez of course.

* Knot the ends of the dupatta together to form a small pocket. Fill the pocket with pie-filling and then, giving it a mighty swing, slap it down onto the hood of the car. *SPLAT* Give it a name and call it modern art. Publicize, schedule an exhibition at the Pakistan National Council for the Arts and make millions.

Like I said here people, the possibilities are endless. Any suggestions?

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