There is a nagging gnawing on the inside of my self

It’s the feeling of my body giving up before its time.

In the quiet twilight hours between one prayer and another

Once I prayed for health

Now I pray for peace.

There is a writhing moaning in the deepness of my heart

It’s the devil down within me who wants me to complain.

But I have built a fortress with the patience of my faith

And I will shelter there

However harsh the pain.

There is a desperate longing in the reach of my embrace

For life and love and happiness and gentle many years

But I shall fold my arms around the comfort of my prayer

And I may often cry

But never bitter tears.


Abez is a 50% white, 50% Pakistani, and 100% Muslim. She is also chronically ill and terminally awesome. She is the ever-lovin Momma of: - Khalid, a special little boy with autism - Iman, a special little girl with especially big hair -Musfira, an especially devious baby Spoiler, Abez is also Zeba Khan on

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