Hemmi’s Guest House, Day 1

Dear Momma & AssalamuAlaikum Abbu & Zaymun & Blogistan Abez, coming to you live from Hemmie’s computer room, where I’m taking meticulous notes and spying on the natives. Mwahahahaaaaa! To my left are Owlie, Lil’ Hemmie, Hemmie’s bro (wearing a shirt that says ‘Whatever I do blame it on Al-Qaeda). To my right are a…

Fame, Fortune, and Cheese-Naan

The time is 3:27 pm. By six o ‘clock, Owlie and I have to be at the Daewoo station to catch a bus to Lahore, where we’ll crash Hemmie’s house, bounce on the furniture and eat cheese-naan till we explode. 😀 We’re also going to rendezvous with Chai, Ushi and her 3 sisters, one of…

Some people are foolish. Those people are me.

I started off writing a post about how people are all on different spiritual levels, and I wanted to point that out in reference to praying Sunnah. However, because I’m sleepy and hungry and can’t seem to put things down intelligently, I’m just gonna sez things like they is. Yeah. I’ve had a problem with…

Not a real post, but I couldn’t resist…

Things you would never know without the movies. – During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. – When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. – If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s…

Cucumber sandwiches. There are only so many you can eat before you start to feel distinctly green on the inside, and I don’t mean a happy grass-green or an opulent emerald-green, I mean green like septic-slime green, or green like mushy vegetation in a swamp kind of green. An ill green. It’s not my fault…

Ana Asif

The left arm was long, much longer than other men’s arms, because he was much taller than other men. It was also well shaped, the forearm handsomely thickened from years of sports. It was the arm of a young man. It was on the carpet near an empty pack of cigarettes and a broken bottle.…

Let’s Pretend

Let’s pretend like you’re a teacher. You have a very large class and the student body is widely varied. You have over-achievers and underachievers, people who just get by and people who just aren’t trying. There are students who read their books every day and there are students who never opened their textbooks after they…

Does anyone know what the opposite of nocturnal is? If so, do you know where I can get it? My last few posts have all been posted at roughly 3 am, unfortunate proof that I spend most of my waking hours when everyone is asleep. I’d like to believe I’m not naturally nocturnal, just someone…

Let’s see if I got your orders right, Onliner: Chocolate Najm: Kulfi Hijabified: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough 25 Scoops: Strawberry Cheese Cake & Vanilla Brownie Chunk Yasmine: Mint ‘n’ Chip, Brownie & French Vanilla Syrup and Whipped Cream. Hemmie gets her ice-cream in person. 🙂

It’s 3 am again, and I, dear blogistan, have just finished editing: Fifty nine thousand, three hundred and thirty two words (I wrote it out because it looked bigger that way) I had thirteen days to do it and I have finished a day ahead of schedule. Oh my aching head. Oh my giddy happiness.…

Dear Blogistan It’s 3 am but both halves of my brain are in agreement at the moment: we’re hungry. We are also sad to report that we’ve not only had dinner, but also dessert 1 and dessert 2, as well as a pinch of dessert 3. What can I say, there are some days when…

Rubaiyaat iv & v

Let all vice be abolished I say we need it not I do not need to burn myself To know that fire’s hot You say I cannot know Unless I partake as well I say I can know heaven Without being first in hell

Thinking the DPR to be dead, I laid it gently to rest on top of the table and left it. A few hours later, out of futile hope, desperation perhaps (I hadn’t yet worked out) I turned the pad on and poked it, and it was ALIVE!!! It must be a trick pad because apprently…

I, dear Blogistanis, am at an impasse. There are two choices before me, each as unsavoury as the next, neither of which seem to be able to lead to a solution. Choice Number One: Throw my DDR pad away. Choice Number Two: Throw my DDR pad to the wolves: ie the electrician and the carpenter,…

Several of you have taken me up on my offer to send emails, and out of sheer laziness I will simply type one for the whole lot of ye. Right. And now for something completely different. Dear Blogistan, AssalamuAlaikum I hope this letter finds you in the best of health and Iman. If it gets…

Rubaiyaat i-iii

All Praise is for Allah Who burdened me with pain And bent my stiffened neck Into sajda once again The weight upon my shoulders Pushed me closer to the floor Facedown on the earth I found refuge once more *** All praise is to my Lord Who permitted me to sin I thank Him for…

Taking a one-day trip up to Mansehra tomorrow. I don’t have an exciting story for it yet, so why don’t you guys make one up? Once upon a time at 5:30 in the morning, Abez set off for Mansehra. The car, coated in its usual layer of protective dust, bounced peppily along the series of…

Left Brain: Look, it’s 3:15 am. Why are we up again? Right Brain: Up again? I wasn’t sure we had been up before. Left Brain: Me neither. What’s there to eat in this place anyway? RB: Wonton Soup. But they’re not wontons, and it isn’t really soup. LB: Then why are you calling it wonton…

What, me update? he he The house was fumigated today folks. It smelled. The entire kitchen was dumped out onto the dining table and covered. A man in a mask squirted anything that didn’t move as well as a bunch of things that did move. Unfortunately, a few lizards were hurt in the making of…

I’ve decided that if, in the future, anyone makes mention of the Taliban, I’m going to ask which one. Cuz there are two types of Taliban, you know. The first type is Afghan. The second type is French. And when people give me a weird look, I’m going to tell them that French rulers of…

Fifteen Minutes til Fajr. I own this silence, precious and clean. Smooth as the pages of my Qur’an. Cool as the floor beneath my feet.