Not a real post, but I couldn’t resist…

Things you would never know without the movies.

– During all police investigations, it will be necessary to

visit a strip club at least once.

– When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to

each other.

– If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a

passing St. Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of year.

– All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to

the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the

man lying beside her.

– The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star

detective – or give him 48 hours to finish the job.

– All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

– It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is

someone to talk you down.

– The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding

place – noone will ever think of looking for you in there and

you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

– Police departments give their officers personality tests to

make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is

their polar opposite.

– The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

– All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large

red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.

– If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more

ammunition, even if you haven’t been carrying any before now.

– You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless

you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your

sweetheart back home.

– Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it

will not be necessary to speak the language – a German accent

will do.

– If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or

killer beast, the mayor’s first concern will be the tourist

trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

– A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious

beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

– When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take

out a bill; just grab one at random and hand it over. It will

always be the exact fare.

– Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at

night, you should open the fridge door and use that light


– If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any

strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

– Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their

family every morning even though their husband and children

never have time to eat it.

– Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

– All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

– A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size

of RFK stadium.

– Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

– Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and


– It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or

ending phone conversations.

– Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is

necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every

few moments.

– It is always possible to park directly outside the building

you are visiting.

– A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended

from duty.

– It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight

involving martial arts – your enemies will patiently attack you

one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you

have knocked out their predecessors.

– When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head,

they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

– No-one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion,

volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

– Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba


– You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

– Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in

seconds – unless it’s the door to a burning building with a

child trapped inside.

– Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects

you personally at the precise moment that it is aired.


Abez is a 50% white, 50% Pakistani, and 100% Muslim. She is also chronically ill and terminally awesome. She is the ever-lovin Momma of: - Khalid, a special little boy with autism - Iman, a special little girl with especially big hair -Musfira, an especially devious baby Spoiler, Abez is also Zeba Khan on

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