Abez sez Assalamualaikum!

Well, this is going to be a hit and run blog because Knicq Bhai, Crayon, and Chai are going to be here for tea & munchy-crunchies in about an hour and a half. I’m just waiting for Daddy Dearest to come back with flour so I can bake the cake that the oven has been waiting for. I’d turn the oven off, but I can’t. You never know when it’s going to work, and when on occasion it does work, we run around the kitchen frantically calling out, “Quick! Bake Something!”

The theme of this five-minute blog is going to be the brilliant little book I borrowed from the bookshelf in Chai’s room (aka The Admiral’s Quarters) titled: 2000 More Insults. Since it was published some time in 1967, there are more insults directed towards thin women than there are towards overweight ones, which is an interesting reminder of how social norms and the idea of what was beautiful have changed.

She’ll never be a bonnie lassie so long as she has that bony chassis.

She’s straight and marrow.

If it wasn’t for her Adam’s apple she wouldn’t have any curves at all.

Not that there aren’t any jabs directed towards the pleasantly plump,

They say that figures don’t lie, but her girdle sure does condense the truth.

But they don’t seem to be as vicious. I’d go off on a tangent about how foolish it is to gauge beauty by size, etc but I haven’t the time. Instead I am presenting you, dear Blogistan, with an amusing selection of some of the 2000 Insults from this very old and apparently often-read book. (the pages are dog-eared, some of the insults are underlined.)

His parents almost lost him as a child. Unfortunately, they didn’t take him out far enough into the woods.

Biologists claim there isn’t a perfect man on the entire globe. Apparently they haven’t read his campaign literature.

Offering candy to a woman he said, “Sweets for the sweet?” She turned and said to him, “Won’t you have some nuts?”

When he goes to the zoo he has to get two tickets, one to get in and one to get out.

A few minutes with him make you want to jump for joy- off of a tall building.

Once she cried, “The dog ate the meatloaf I made for you!” and he said “Don’t worry honey, I’ll buy you another dog.”

There’s nothing the matter with you that a first-class funeral can’t fix.

Why, you appear to be as happy as if you were in your right mind!

Any favorites you guys have to add to the list? 😀

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