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Monthly Archives: August 2005

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An Ode

How shall I update? Let me count the ways.

I shall update about the man in the white paper hat, a butcher. Oh how he sternly, how resolutely he worked, jaw firmly set, eyes focused straight ahead upon the task at hand, until the side of lamb he was weighing dropped wetly onto the floor and went -splat- Shall I speak of how his face changed, and how he quickly dropped down to pick the skinless lamb up and return it to its place on the meat hook? Shall I mention the hurried glance left, then right, to see if he had been seen? And is it possible to describe the nervous, amusing, lopsided smile he greeted me with when he realized I had been watching him, and laughing? Ah, the grocery store.

Or shall I update about Litho, the gas station attendant, who knew not what flavors his slurpees were. Truth be told, it was midnight, and in the haze of sleep deprivation and late-night hours, the light blue slurpee looks alot like the dark blue slurpee, and the both of them look like close cousins of the teal slurpee. HF and I asked him what they were. He wasn’t sure. He went into the back to ask someone else and returned without an answer. He looked at the machine. Then he took out three cups and poured an inch of each blue into each of them respectively. He offered them to us. The teal one tasted like lemon-scented handsoap. The light blue one was an unknown, and it tasted like lemon-scented conditioner. The dark blue one tasted like lemon scented blue berries that had been left overnight in the radioactive core of a nuclear power plant, so we ordered one glass with two straws. My tongue was blue for a day and a half.

Married Life: This is what happens when you marry yourself


I made HF’s glasses into the bed last week. Really. I tucked them neatly beneath the topsheet and the fitted sheet and then I threw the comforter over top of it all. Then I couldn’t find his glasses, because I hadn’t made them into the bed on purpose. No, because that would be foolish.

I searched extensively for his glasses before I decided to retrace my steps for that morning.

(Let’s see, I had your glasses in my hand and then I threw them on to the bed. Then I went into the kitchen, then I came back and made the bed.)

My poor husband (who at that point, realized that the lumpy bits he had been sitting on were, in fact, his nice glasses) shook his head and sighed. He dug his glasses out of their cozy hiding spot and put them onto his nose.

It serves him right I say. After all, did he not greet my cool new mandarin shirt with the iffy compliment, “Hey, you look like a Chinese assassin!” And has he not feigned seriousness, taking me quietly to one side of the hallway when there are guests in the living room, only to giggle into my ear and call out, “TROGDOR!” He has. And if, in exchange, I manage to make his glasses into the bed or make him rescue me when I get stuck behind the TV or make him sit through Monty Python skits on the computer late at night, I say he deserves it. This is what happens when weird people get happily married. šŸ™‚

New Muslim Burnout: Dealing with bitterness

I have an article in Muslim Link, and it has typos, hehe.

I first saw Nicole in December of 2000. She was a Christian then, but very interested in Islam and Muslims- in what we stood for and how we chose to do so. She was full of enthusiasm, eager to learn and willing to read any book. She could be found sitting front and center when any discussion about Islam took place, and she seemed to know more about it than most Muslims our age. That was 2000 and she was 20.

The last I saw Nicole was August of 2004. She had been Muslim for three years and married to a Lebanese man who divorced her in six months. We were at yet another party, and this time, when an Islamic discussion started in the living room, she took her drink and walked out. That was 2004 and she was bitter.

Ali converted to Islam when he was fifteen but had learned little beyond those first few months. At twenty he still did not know how to pray. “I started learning,” he once told me, “But then I guess I stopped. At least Iā€™m not Jewish anymore.”

Nicole and Ali are two examples of what often happen to us new Muslims. We start out on a spiritual high, we resolve to do amazing things with our faith, but we lose enthusiasm like Ali did, or worse yet, we become bitter like Nicole. Ali’s solution was relatively easy compared to Nicole’s, he changed his circle of friends and his location so that he could be around people who strengthened his faith, but what do you do if being around other Muslims only depresses you?… Read the rest…

For the full article, visit www.muslimlink.ca and download Issue 10, Volume Three. I’m on page two.

UAE Internet Service Affected

Dubai, UAE- Internet traffic in the UAE is being affected after a submarine cable linking Mumbai and Penang was cut by gargantuan rampaging lobsters with wire cutters yesterday, taking out four of Etisalat’s 19 links.
E-Company marketing manager Farooq Hasan said broadband customers who use the net for gaming and peer-to-peer applications will be most affected, but failed to mention that I would be unable to check my email.
An official complaint has been lodged. No indication was given as to when the problem would be rectified, and an international lobster-hunt to apprehend those responsible is currently underway. -AFP (Abezi Fraud Press)