You know you go out too often when…

You and your husband, dressed for Eid-day meet & greet, stand in front of a door. It opens, and the house within is silent. You wonder where the hosts are, why the lights aren’t on. You can’t remember whose house you’ve arrived at. Oops, it’s yours.

Foistly, AssalamuAlaikum & Eid Mubarak & e-hugs to all the sisters and e-nods to the brothas. Now, on with the nonsense.

Nonsense Numero Uno: The conversion rate in the UAE is two falafels to a donut hole. Allow me to explain. For one UAE dirham, you can buy either:

– Two Dunkin Donuts Munchkins (dh) (donut holes)
-Four falafel balls. (fl)


1 dh = 2 fl

Where only 1dh is equal to HW (happy wife), but HH (happy husband) is equal to 8fl, calculate conversion ratio from HW to HH.


Nonsense Number Duo:

Dear Abez,

Welcome to your third trimester! You may have noticed that clothes you were counting on to wear for Eid are no longer viable options. True, they fit you last week, but this week they wear like sausage casings, and it isn’t nice to visually horrify the guests so. Especially after they bring you baklava. Please consider augmenting your wardrobe, you can only live in your PJ’s for so long.

Also note, due to rapid expansion and growth, it is recommended that the functions of digestion and respiration be rerouted to legs L and R, left and right respectively, in order to make more room. Things are tight enough in there as it is, and you can’t complain about being kicked in the ribs if you just relocate your lungs.

We hope that in the future an understanding can be reached to assure the satisfaction of both parties.

Your Baby

PS: Icecream?


Abez is a 50% white, 50% Pakistani, and 100% Muslim. She is also chronically ill and terminally awesome. She is the ever-lovin Momma of: - Khalid, a special little boy with autism - Iman, a special little girl with especially big hair -Musfira, an especially devious baby Spoiler, Abez is also Zeba Khan on

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