Well, last night was a mixture of both failure and success- Khalid cried for over an hour, and when I went to check on him (as I had been doing every fifteen minutes or so) I found him lying on the floor again- hands cold, feet cold, face cold, shuddering and whimpering. So I threw in the towel, wrapped him up and nursed him to sleep.
Then I emailed HF (who is on a business trip, for those of you who asked in last entry’s comments) and told him I was giving up and I feel miserable. Then I went to bed. And Khalid slept for 7 hours. Again, I woke up before he did, and was so surprised at the time- 6:30 am, that I had to go check on him. My sleepy brain was terrified and sure that he was dead. I know that sounds horrible and morbid, but I was on the verge of crying when I knelt down to see if he was still breathing. Which, Alhamdulillah, he still was, and I think my sleeping brain is nuts.
I don’t know what I’m doing tonight. These past four nights, Khalid has slept for long and longer stretches, Alhamdulillah, but I’ve only managed to stick the crying out twice. Twice I’ve caved, twice I’ve stayed firm. One of the times I caved he only slept for two hours, the second time (last night) he slept for seven. I’m not sure what it is about crying it out that makes him sleep better- is it the exhaustion of bawling for an hour? If so, then how come on night two, when I let him bawl for an hour before rescuing him, he only slept for two hours? And then on night three, he only cried for 45 minutes but he slept for five hours.
I’m not sure what to make of things, and tonight will be night five, InshaAllah. Tonight may also be back at home, where I can put Khalid in his crib and not have to worry about him ending up on the floor. He does wiggle about and get his feet stuck in the bars, but that’s pretty minor. I think if I put some rolled blankets on the side it’ll minimize his wiggling and protect him from getting stuck as well InshaAllah.
HF will be back tomorrow InshaAllah, and that’s such a relief for me. Him being on a business trip is always lonely, but this time has been especially hard w/the tension of the nightly crying game. It’s amazing how love takes two perfectly sane, perfectly independent people and then fuses them into one entity that spends time apart yearning for the other half. Next time HF goes on a business trip, Bebeface and I are crawling into his suitcase.