Dear Worshipers- Brothers and Sisters in Islam:
When standing in prayer, it is important that your feet be shoulder-width apart, possibly more, to ensure that there is enough space for me to crawl through.
The placing of one’s face on the ground in submission to God, known as Sajda, must not be so short that I miss the opportunity to climb your head, nor so long as to bore me. Also, in the event of an insufficient Sajda, I consider it my responsibility to put both hands to your rear-end and push your head back down onto the floor.
The lifting of the finger in Tashahud- the witness of faith- is an open invitation to go for a walk, if you put your finger up, I will grab it and walk away with your hand.
It is a unanimously accepted by the scholars that laughing aloud will break your salah, even if I am laying between your feet and grinning at you with all 12.5 of my teeth.
Speaking aloud during prayer is viewed similar to laughing, and so is yelping, and in the event of your ankle being bitten, do not cry out.
Unnecessary moving around during prayer is disliked, as it reflects a lack of focus and inattention to what is supposed to be a private conversation with God- an act of worship. Therefore, do not reach for your phone or keys, even if I am walking away with them, even if I am sending everyone in your address book blank messages, even if I am making international phone calls. Concentrate on your prayer and hope to God I am dialing somewhere within the Gulf.
May Allah guide us all,