A parenthetical sigh

I don’t know if I’m cut out for this whole autism advocacy thing.  For all the bright, informative, grinning I do, I still go home and feel absolutely hopeless about autism and what it’s doing to an entire generation of children, their families, their siblings.  This isn’t an issue of faith to me- but of empathy.  Maybe sometimes it’s better to leave autism to the professionals, who can be bright and informative about a debilitating neurological disorder and then go home and put on their dancing shoes.  They don’t ‘bring their work home,’ so to speak.  Me, I live in it. I love my son, and I have reached a point where I can happily accept Allah’s decree for him.  I just can’t shut myself off from other parents, other children, and from actively taking my work home in the form of worry, pain, and sadness for other people’s children.

I’m conducting another workshop this weekend, and putting together my notes is hard for reasons entirely emotional.  So now I’m done.  I’m closing the computer down even if my notes aren’t ready, because I am feeling so down and so sad from all the ‘informative’ reading I’ve just done that I’m just going to pray and crawl in to bed.

The End.



Abez is a 50% white, 50% Pakistani, and 100% Muslim. She is also chronically ill and terminally awesome. She is the ever-lovin Momma of: - Khalid, a special little boy with autism - Iman, a special little girl with especially big hair -Musfira, an especially devious baby Spoiler, Abez is also Zeba Khan on Muslimmatters.org.

  1. Hannah

    You are cut out for this. People need your guidance and knowledge and hope…it’s exhausting yes. Life is exhausting and a prison and sometimes beautiful and a means to Jannah. POWER TO You!

  2. shiney

    Sr. Abez! Assalamu alaikum, i read ur post and it was bringing me down…the first time i visited your blog, it was your positive attitude towards Autism, and that taught me a very important life lesson about hope and acceptance (although i don’t know anyone with autism). Don’t ever let yourself feel like your not making a difference. And don’t be sad on behalf of other families bec it was Allah’s decree. Also, a few days ago I read a quote somewhere by Imam Safi Khan that made me feel so optimistic: “If you ever knew how much hope Allah had in you, you would never have an inferiority complex.” Don’t worry, Sr. Abez, Allah has hope in you! 🙂

  3. Abez

    JazakAllahuKheiran Shiny, that quote actually made me feel better- if I couldn’t handle this, Allah wouldn’t have given to me. I just get a little down sometimes, and reminders like this help pick me up again. Thank you. 🙂

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: