I don’t know if I’m cut out for this whole autism advocacy thing. For all the bright, informative, grinning I do, I still go home and feel absolutely hopeless about autism and what it’s doing to an entire generation of children, their families, their siblings. This isn’t an issue of faith to me- but of empathy. Maybe sometimes it’s better to leave autism to the professionals, who can be bright and informative about a debilitating neurological disorder and then go home and put on their dancing shoes. They don’t ‘bring their work home,’ so to speak. Me, I live in it. I love my son, and I have reached a point where I can happily accept Allah’s decree for him. I just can’t shut myself off from other parents, other children, and from actively taking my work home in the form of worry, pain, and sadness for other people’s children.
I’m conducting another workshop this weekend, and putting together my notes is hard for reasons entirely emotional. So now I’m done. I’m closing the computer down even if my notes aren’t ready, because I am feeling so down and so sad from all the ‘informative’ reading I’ve just done that I’m just going to pray and crawl in to bed.