I am officially taking my blog back.
From whom, you may ask. From myself. Because one part of me took my blog and claimed it in the name of Writing, while another part of me was like Hey, I was using that for catharsis! What gives!
So I’m taking my blog back and claiming it in the name of catharsis. Because I enjoy writing, but I also need catharsis.
Incidentally, there is a difference between complaining TO Allah and complaining ABOUT Him. I have no complaints about Allah or what He has willed for me. I am pleased with Allah as my Lord and Islam as my religion. I am NOT pleased, however- with my own ability to manage my workload.
The kids have been homeschooling since… April? Or was it May? Has it really only been two months since we pulled them out of school? Because it feels like forever. I pushed for their removal, and I don’t regret pulling them out. I recognize though, that it’s going to take more than just good intentions to get the homeschool ball rolling. And let’s just say it’s a work in progress.
Work is complicated, irritating, and further exacerbated by my pain levels. My good knee is quickly becoming my less bad knee. My wrists have started to click and recently- pop. My left hand chronically hurts. We may, InshaAllah- finally be getting a housekeeper. We’ve been six months without one.
Can I just admit that I’m lonely? Is that allowed? Can I raise my hand- amidst the motion-blurred swirl of life, home, work, and three children- and say that I feel lonely even though I am never, ever left alone? Can I say that even an entire hour of my husband’s undivided attention is not enough to fill the void where meaningful adult interaction is supposed to be? That socialising on a quarterly basis is watering a dying plant but doing nothing to tend the garden?
The more socially withdrawn I become, the less I feel like socialising. Finding the time to call people, line up schedules, get dressed, and of all things- clean the house- means having fun is too much work. And I don’t need any more work. If I try to meet people outside the house, then packing up my crew of beautiful savages, their backpacks, their water, their snacks, their books, and their whining- into the easy-bake oven known as The Car and travel through the life-leeching Dubai heat to… wander around yet another mall- well, that’s just too much work too. So it’s easier to stay home, stay cool, and stay sane. Even if that means staying lonely.
Please to refrain from posting supportive comments in the box. If you know me, just show up. If you don’t, make dua. But not here. In private, to Allah.