Silence is Golden

So I haven’t updated in a while.  I understand that, for people who don’t follow me on twitter, that could mean that I’ve gone and died.  Fair enough.  My twitter handle is @zebasez.  In case you want to see if I haven’t died yet.

I’ve been meaning to write but the problem with writing is that you have to take big, abstract, lumpy concepts like uncertainty, fear, fatigue, pain, and try to fit them neatly into paragraph-sized boxes.  Writing is a hands-on thing, but my hands hurt.  My back hurts. My legs hurt. My head hurts.  And now that I’ve been told that all three of my children are likely to have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome too, my heart hurts.

Ouch, right in the feels!

Once upon a time I begged Allah for Khalid to not have autism, but he did, and that’s been a blessing for us all.  Now, I pray for my children’s health, but if they have Ehlers-Danlos, let it be the focal point around their remembrance of Allah and a daily reminder of their own mortality whether they wanted one or not. Cuz they’re certainly going to need one.  We all do.

3tvczmAllah loves my children more than I do, so if He should decide that Khalid will have low muscle tone and Iman will have elbows that can be wrung like a wet towel and Musfira- my tiniest cupcake- should have a heart murmur, then He has decided that for them out of love, not in spite of it.

I don’t want to give too much away but there are some major life changes coming up for us that I’m not done grieving yet. So until then, silence is golden.

And maybe I’ll post some memes so no one thinks I’ve died. hehe.





Abez is a 50% white, 50% Pakistani, and 100% Muslim. She is also chronically ill and terminally awesome. She is the ever-lovin Momma of: - Khalid, a special little boy with autism - Iman, a special little girl with especially big hair -Musfira, an especially devious baby Spoiler, Abez is also Zeba Khan on

  1. khadhija

    Ohh..i feel terrible.Yes yes its purification.You know that already.But please be strong.Coz there r many who derive strength from yours.

    I have my tests and you have yours.But whenever I see you working your way through it,I’m like “Look at that sister,did not sit and sulk.Go ,act and change your condition.”

  2. khadhija

    So continue to be d inspiring funny muslimah that you are.

    I dont have a sister.I like to imagine that you are my big sis.:)
    May we meet in Jennah.Ameeen

  3. Ayesha

    Zeba my love, you are my inspiration. May Allah bring ease, comfort and good health for you, your husband and children. Ameen.

    You dont know that you are constantly in m thoughts and prayers.

  4. someone

    May allah reward u for ur patience. He only tests us based on our virtues and strength. I am an OT with specialty in pediatrics. Please let me know if there is any way I can help. Teaching them proper joint alignment techniques and energy conservation will be a good start to prevent exertion. Have u considered braces?

  5. Sumaiyah

    I second Khadhija. Its going to be a purification. After all, if we weren’t sick, weren’t in debts, weren’t in loss, weren’t in pain .. who was it who would call out to his Lord humbly?
    “And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient” (2:155)

  6. saadia

    It appears Allah wants you to fly and not walk into jannah, for you happen to be under His constant attention.
    Getting worried about the life changes you have mentioned. I pray that the changes be in your and the family’s betterment. Ameen.

  7. Abez

    Jazakallahukheiran. I don’t always know how to respond to kind supportive words, because sharing how much I appreciate them reveals the vulnerability and extend to which I need some real-life hugs right about now. But I do appreciate you guys taking the time to comment. Thank you. InshaAllah, better days are coming. 🙂

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