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Monthly Archives: December 2018

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Eeeek! I have to write a speech in a week!

I have a speech at a conference in one week and I am nowhere near done. They assigned me the topic of maintaining faith despite failure. I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt and not believe they consider me an expert in the topic of failure. >:/

I’ve spoke about disability and special needs awareness many, many times in many, many places. I could probably do that in my sleep if I don’t already do, but failure and frustration is a little new to me. It’s intimidating because it’s… real. It’s me.

And now, it’s writer’s block. I have piles of thoughts, jumbled into complex, tangled tangents that I somehow need to straighten out and line up neatly. Except pain and fear and failure aren’t neat- and explaining to how to survive in spite of them isn’t simple. Worst of all- I can’t explain anything without referring to my self as the point of reference for what’s I’m talking about.

Yes, I know I blog and I end up talking about myself more or less all of the time. This feels different though, more risky because it’s in real life, and my kids will be sitting in the audience. I don’t know where to start, or how to proceed in way that resonated with the audience without in some way confusing or scaring my kids.

But I have to try. Make dua for me. I need it.

Humans

Human beings are complicated.  In the last year of my life, I’ve observed more of them close-up, and in-depth for longer periods of time than usual. How? By volunteering on a committee. 

I’ve learned that people who like to complain about things are usually less interested in solutions than they are in their own importance.

I’ve learned that people who are silent often have too much to say about things, and not knowing where to begin- will instead say nothing.

I’ve learned that people who talk too much can sometimes have the least to offer. Sometimes, they’re seeking, but they aren’t sure what questions to ask. So they ramble. I’ve learned to listen for questions that aren’t asked. 

I’ve learned that perfectionism is a disease that causes people to shoot down the ideas of others – not maliciously – but from the overpowering concern that they’re not good enough. Consequently, no solutions pass muster. 

I’ve learned that grownups never really grow up. They just grow bigger, and the same weird things kids do, grownups just do more tactfully. 

I’ve learned that there are silent, generous, unassuming pillars of entire communities who drive used cars and donate hundreds of thousands of dollars to charitable causes without a fuss for recognition.

I’ve learned there are squeaky, un-greased wheels who donate a hundred dollars and think that makes them the CEO of the world.

Humans are complicated. May Allah forgive me for being one too.