I have a speech at a conference in one week and I am nowhere near done. They assigned me the topic of maintaining faith despite failure. I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt and not believe they consider me an expert in the topic of failure. >:/

I’ve spoke about disability and special needs awareness many, many times in many, many places. I could probably do that in my sleep if I don’t already do, but failure and frustration is a little new to me. It’s intimidating because it’s… real. It’s me.

And now, it’s writer’s block. I have piles of thoughts, jumbled into complex, tangled tangents that I somehow need to straighten out and line up neatly. Except pain and fear and failure aren’t neat- and explaining to how to survive in spite of them isn’t simple. Worst of all- I can’t explain anything without referring to my self as the point of reference for what’s I’m talking about.

Yes, I know I blog and I end up talking about myself more or less all of the time. This feels different though, more risky because it’s in real life, and my kids will be sitting in the audience. I don’t know where to start, or how to proceed in way that resonated with the audience without in some way confusing or scaring my kids.

But I have to try. Make dua for me. I need it.