Mosquito bites are back in fashion. That’s my excuse for having so many of them. Being a hijabi-jilbabi no one can see the ones on my arms that are as big as pennies, but my face is not so lucky. When the mosquitoes start biting…

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Here we go again: How to Mortally Wound Yourself While Trying to Answer the Phone In order to do this successfully, you must have only one phone, and it has to be downstairs. Now, go upstairs and wait for the phone to ring. When it…

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If this blog is funny-lookin, sorry, we’re having technical difficulties. Anyone fluent in HTML: please email me! I need help!!! You guys…I’m at it again…sometimes I have mad inventive schemes. This week’s is a fly catcher. Yes, a device to catch flies. No, I’m not…

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American Christian + Pakistani Muslim = FUNdamentalist Hijabi? In honor o’ Saint Patty’s day…oops…I mean cuz Yaz asked, here’s wassap with my family. My dad (a Pakistani Muslim) traveled all over the world (as a teacher, then a sailor, then a waiter, then a cook)…

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The process begins anew: my mother has just cranked up some gospel rock and started a triple batch of peanut butter cookies. According to the angry Christian guy in the stereo: God’s got an army/not afraid to fight/soldiers of the cross/children of the light. Warriors…

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Je-tu present: Dinner Theater Blog A one-act farce by Abez A. Rat Act one Garcon: Good evening Madame, welcome to Chez du Rat trop Paresseux pour Cuisiner. Ey-yam Guy de Maupassant, and I vill be your vaiter tonight. ‘ow may I be of service to…

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You know, sometimes I outdo even myself. Based on today’s experience, I present: How to Detonate Your Pressure Cooker. See, you wouldn’t normally consider a pressure cooker to be an explosive device, but with a little skill, some hungry impatience and instruction from yours truly,…

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T’was the night before Monday And all through the house Not a creature was stirring Except this lazy bum here who can’t think of anything to rhyme with house, excluding mouse, grouse, souse and louse. Hmmmm. This blog is finally operational and pretty slick lookin…

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Today we present: How To Mortally Wound Yourself While Doing Laundry It’s quite simple, really, you just turn your head while throwing clothes into the dryer and consequently rake your hand over the metal latch that makes the dryer close. Having done this, you will…

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Okie dokie people, I don’t know whether this is going to work or not, but I’ve moved my blog from xanga to blogger. My previous blogs (which I’m not smart enough to transfer over yet) are here. I’m still in the process of figuring all…

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