Abez sez Assalamualaikum!

Islam, Autism, Mom-ism.

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The Husbandtrolls

Me: Did you know that Muslims killed Dracula? HF: That makes sense, Muslims hate fun. Me: That’s the title of the lecture, don’t you remember? HF: “Don’t You Remember?”  That’s a terrible title for a lecture.  *trollface* :p  

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Sometimes, I love autism :)

Last week or so- HF decided that we were going to stay up super late (or some of us, nap super late) and then go out and watch the Geminid meteor shower with the Dubai Astronomy Club.  I thought it was a lovely idea.  The grand reveal to the children went something like this: HF:…

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Irony

So HF was in a fender-bender today.  He was stopped at a signal and someone ran into the back of his car hard enough to crash his into the next stopped car.  Alhamdulillah, he’s alright and as he cheerfully mentioned: the car needed new bumpers anyway.  It’s still a little unsettling to me though, that…

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A happy dance

Coming home, coming home! HF is coming home! After roughly two weeks abroad for work, HF is coming home in three hours.  I told Khalid that Baba would be home by the next morning.  Khalid’s response was: “Oh, I think I will jump all day at school!” “Does that mean you’re excited?” “Yeah!” Me too…

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From Iman with icecream and love

Iman drew a picture of HF today- a bearded, bespectacled figure with square glasses, big eyebrows, and a happy smile. Also, a crown and an icecream cone in each hand. Gorgeously accurate. 🙂

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Fuzzy Fiqh

HF: Getting married is half your deen, right? Me: Yeah. HF: So getting two wives must complete it entirely then, hunh? *rimshot*

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And I quote

HF is preparing to leave for work and sprays himself with cologne. He then grimaces as it burns his post-shave skin. Me: Why spray it on your neck if it burns? Why not spray it somewhere else? HF: Like where? Me: I don’t know, your wrists? HF: Real men don’t wear perfume on their wrists….

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Muslim Matters on Sexual Harassment in Muslim Cultures

Hena Zuberi just published a great, awesome, relevant, necessary, important article about sexual harassment in the Muslim community, and I found myself typing a comment so long it could stand alone.  And I think it should, because the more websites, the more people, the more Muslims talk about sexual harassment, the more people there will…

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Identity vs. Nationality vs. Ethnicity

Being half Pakistani, half white, raised in America and living in the UAE, I’ve long ago learned that when people ask me where I’m from, they don’t want to hear ‘Chicago.’ They want to know why I look like an Arab, sound like an American and hang out with a brown guy who bears striking…

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Hat? Okay!

  I never thought I’d be so happy to report that my son will just NOT stop babbling. Although his vocabulary has yet to cross the ten-word mark, he has begun to mimic sounds and start conversations with people other than me- the most amusing of which is generally Iman. Khalid will grin excitedly at…

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The Husbandfiles: A compilation of non-traditional ways of responding to ‘I Love You."

I love you. I know. I love you! Yeah, me too! I love you. Ok. I love you so much… And I love you a little more than that. I love you more than chocolate cake Are you sure?  Because last I checked, chocolate cake loves me alot…

The Husbandfiles: Moral Dental Support

HF: You’re having your wisdom teeth removed on Wednesday, right? Me: Yeah, the last two. HF: So now you’ll be as dumb as everyone else, hunh? Me: Do you have any wisdom teeth? HF: Lots of ’em.

The Husbandfiles: He always said he’d woo me like I’d never been wooed before…

HF: You know, if I was stranded on a desert island, and had only one person with me, I’d want it to be you… Me:… 🙂 HF: Because I’d want you to suffer too, HARHAR!

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The Husbandfiles: My Hero :)

I have nightmares pretty often these days as my sleeping brain tries to make its own explanation up for why we’re in pain. Though the real reason is full-term pregnancy, my brain thinks it’s zombies. Our stomach hurts not because we have indigestion, but because the zombies got us. Our legs hurt not because of…

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The Husbandfiles: Home Sweet Home

6 am Me: Waleed, it’s six o’clock, it’s time for you to wake up and get ready for work.HF: That’s one fraudulent opinion…Me: Waleed, come on, you need to get upHF: And you need to grow a mustache.Me: -blink blink- -pause- HF: -waking up slightly- Hand me my cell phone?

The Husbandfiles: Good days and bad days

There are good days and there are bad days. Some days you may come home from work and the dishes will be dirty and the laundry unfolded. Your wife will grumble a greeting at you as she walks by, still in her pajamas. There will be no dinner cooked and you will have to walk…

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You’ll understand when you get married and have kids

HF has been internationally away for the last 11 days, and top of that, Khalid choked on a carrot today. Yes, these two are related. Today Bebeface swallowed a huge piece of carrot at dinner and started gasping for breath. I picked him up, turned him over and slapped him on the back repeatedly before…

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The Husband Files: Insert rimshot here.

Me: (pointing to pile of shirts) The room is a mess and it’s all your fault, we live in squalor! HF: No, we live in the UAE.

The Husband Files: Why teacups are like cats – or – why the husband, the car, and everything in it are covered in a spray of chai

Update: HF has posted his version of what happened here, hehe. HF: So, dogs like to stick their heads out of car windows, right? They like to hang their tongues out and go nyah and enjoy the breeze. Me: Yes..? HF: But cats don’t though, if you took a cat and held it out of…

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Call me Speedy. Ice cream, anyone?

Under normal circumstances, a pregnant woman with a bucket of ice cream in one hand and a spoon in the other could not possibly outrun her well-intentioned but confectionarily cruel husband. Under current circumstances, where well-intentioned husband is burdened by a plaster cast on his well-sprained ankle, the pregnant woman not only has a chance,…

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The Husband Files: A Romantic Walk on the Beach

Me: Do jellyfish wash up on the beaches here? HF: I’m not sure. ME: You know, when my sister was little she got stung by a jellyfish. HF: So that’s how she got her powers?

The Husband Files: Housekeeping?

HF: The table was dirty. There was this crunchy dry stuff on it. Me: Oh? HF: So I put some newspaper over it. 😀

The Husband Files: 1:32 am

HF: Could I shave my head? Me: No.HF: Come on, what would happen if I shaved it all off, my beard too, and started over. Me: Then you’d look like how you did before, but with a period of baldness in the middle. *pause* HF: Could I grow a moustache? ME: No. HF: Come on,…

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Married Life: This is what happens when you marry yourself

I made HF’s glasses into the bed last week. Really. I tucked them neatly beneath the topsheet and the fitted sheet and then I threw the comforter over top of it all. Then I couldn’t find his glasses, because I hadn’t made them into the bed on purpose. No, because that would be foolish. I…

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Married Life: I am pit crew, hear me roar

So the popular question for everyone who emails me these days is: So, how’s married life? I suppose I should eventually answer the question. Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, I have been blessed. Unlike most weddings in Pakistani culture, mine was not to a complete stranger. It wasn’t even to an acquaintance, it was to a person who…

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The Husband Files: DIY Mango Milkshake

My husband has an interesting recipe for mango milkshake. Step 1. Ask your wife to make you a mango milkshake.Step 2. Look forlorn when your wife won’t make you one.Step 2.5 Discover that your wife doesn’t like mangoes.Step 3. Pout.Step 4. Dolefully accept ingredients from wife for do-it-yourself mango milkshake; milk icecubes sugar two mangoes…

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Suggardh with a capital Sugg

Being a sensitive technical procedure, pancake production can be adversely affected by multiple factors- the size of the pan, the size of the burner beneath the pan, the type of the spatula, and the qualification of the pancake engineer. It is therefore necessary to generate a few pre-meal proto-types- a few little ones to account…

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Introducing Mr. Abez

So we’re back from the UAE. I got: A fez Baklava A husband Any questions?