Of all the conversations I’ve had with my children about prayer, the reason we don’t say “Ameen” in Batman voice has been the most unexpected so far.
Category Archives: Parenting
Are you my daughter-in-law?
A young woman with Down’s Syndrome (who has been baking for a long ole time already) gets rejected from too many bakery jobs. So she opens her own bakery.
This video made me cry for so many reasons. I’m scared of what my son’s future will hold. I know that him being rejected over and over and over again is not a possibility, it’s a given because he has autism.
We’ve been taking the rejections for him and until now they’ve always been from schools. Who rejects a child from a KG or a Hifz program? Lots of people, apparently. It’s a given because he has autism.
A time will come when we can no longer protect him from rejection. Already he struggles with school and with friends. Soon he will struggle with employment and – this hurts my heart most – loneliness.
My son will want to get married. He’s barely 11, but he’s already told my husband and I as much. And why shouldn’t he? He’s kind, he adores babies, he’s super-intelligent, and would make an affectionate, doting husband and father. A time will come when he will work the courage up to ask some sweet young girl to spend her life with him- and he will be rejected because he has autism.
Not because he will be too mean, or too uneducated, or too poor, or too ugly, or too anything at all- even if he is financially supported and gainfully employed, and surrounded by a family and safety net that any young married couple would be grateful to have, no- he will be rejected because he has autism.
I would like to believe that somewhere out there, there is a little girl currently growing up into the woman who will be my son’s partner, protector, and friend. I want to believe that she’s the bubbly, confident, and to-hell-with-the-rest-of-yall type when it comes to what’s cool and what’s not. She can see the system well enough to buck it and marry a young man who has so much going for him even though the whole system may be against him.
Wherever you are sweetheart, may Allah introduce us soon.
Kids Ask: What’s the point of Jummah?
A few minutes before Jummah today, my son came and sat down next to me in a grumpy huff. “Momma, I just don’t understand…”
He furrowed his lil brow angrily and said, “What’s the point of Jummah!”
I told him I had the answer. But first, we needed candy…
I’m thinking of an animo…
Our lil family has a favorite game, and the way it’s won is by preserving momma’s sanity with three children and no volume control. We stick to animals to keep it simple, and a turn always starts with the phrase “I’m thinking of an animal,” followed by three clues.
We play the guessing game during long drives and boring waits, and I am working to slowly introduce concepts like animal families (Is it a primate? A reptile?) and habitats- does it live on land? Underwater? Underground?
Khalid, almost inevitably- is thinking of a dinosaur of some sort. This is useful- because that’s how we introduced the concept of extinction. Now, some kids know five or six dinosaurs. Khalid, on the other hand, knows almost all of them. Really. MashaAllah- all of them. He has memorized almost three encyclopaedias of dinosaurs, so when he’s thinking of an animal with four legs, a tail, and a long neck- he’s not thinking of a giraffe. He’s thinking of a dipolodocus. Or a mamenchisaurus. Or an argentinosaurus. Or a camarosaurus, which is also known as a morosaurus. I believe there are HUNDREDS of -sauruses that serve no current purpose other than to confuse and bewilder anyone trying to guess Khalid’s animal. Such is the universe.
He takes pity on us, and tells us the first letter of the dinosaur’s name when we’ve gotten stumped. Then, he tells us the second. Then the third. Sometimes he will spell out the whole name and I will be no more clued in to what dinosaur he’s talking about- just because he can spell it doesn’t mean I can say it, or know what the heck it looks like. Case in point: Do you know what this dinosaur is called?
It’s a parasaurolophus. I spent almost twenty minutes once, wracking my brain and trying to figure this dinosaur out before asking Khalid to finally spell it for me, and even then- I still didn’t know what he was talking about.
Iman’s MO for the guessing game is adorable. She doesn’t pick animals that are difficult, or get upset when her animal is discovered. For the most part she isn’t even picking animals, she’s actually picking people.
Iman is acutely aware of who hasn’t had a turn in a while, and when she successfully guesses an animal and gets her turn, she will tailor her choice of animal to the person that she feels needs one. She will direct her clues right to the person she has in mind. For HF, she will usually be thinking of a shark. For Khalid, she will be thinking of a dinosaur. For me, she will be thinking of a lion or giraffe, and for Musfira- she is always, ALWAYS thinking of a cat. Why? Because Musfira is always thinking of a cat too.
Musfira’s ability to participate in the guessing game has been increasing step by adorable step. In the beginning, she was struggling with the concept, and would just repeat the last clue that she heard. If Iman said, “I’m thinking of an animal with two legs,” then Musfira would ask, “Is it two legs?”
When she realized that we were looking for answers instead of echoes, she started guessing as well.
Iman: “Musfira, I’m thinking of an animal with four legs, with brown spots, that says moo.”
Musfira: “Izzit the sun?”
Momma: “No dear, the sun is not an animal. We’re only thinking about animals.”
Musfira: “Oh, ok! Izzit Lighting McKeen!”
Musfira had an epiphany one day, and she correctly guessed the lion that Iman was directing towards me. That was her first chance for a real turn, and she started out pretty good:
“I’m thinking of a animo-”
(“Okay.”)
“It has four legs…”
(“Very good.”)
“Anna tail…”
(“Alright.”)
“And, it’s a cat!”
Musfira grins expectantly, anticipating all the exciting questions we should now be asking her. Iman raises an eyebrow and says, “Musfira, are you thinking of a cat?”
“Guj-job Iman!” Musfira cheers, “Your turn!”
We’ve played this game hundreds of times since, and Musfira’s ability to sort and label is getting better, and so her turns are getting more interesting. However, they have yet to move beyond cat.
Once Musfira said to me, “Momma, I’m thinking of a animo. It has four legs, two ears, and iss bigger than a cat.”
“How interesting!” I said, excited that Musfira could finally be breaking free from her cat-only streak. “Is it a dog?”
“Nope!”
“Is it a cow?”
“Nope!”
“Does it eat grass?”
“Nope.”
I tried a few angles and eventually I gave up.
“Alright Musfira, you were thinking of an animal with four legs and two ears that was bigger than a cat. What was it?”
Musfira beamed. “A bigger cat.”
We have since thought of smaller cats, as well as a pink cat, specifically Musfira’s long-time crib companion, Meow-Meow.The only time we’ve ever thought of anything other than cat was on the way home from the Dubai Mall after we had surprised the children with a trip to see the dinosaur fossil being exhibited there. It was a diplodocus. Khalid knew this within seconds of seeing it, even before he was within range of the exhibit information. He looked at the fossil- suspended from the ceiling in all its fossilized awesomeness- and he smiled and said, “It’s a North-American dipolodocus.”
We oohed and aahed, marvelled at the hugeness of its legs and the tinyness of it’s really tiny head. Later, there was ice-cream, and on the way home Musfira suddenly announced, “I’m thinking of an animo!”
Iman interrupted, “It’s a cat.”
Musfira snarked back. “I didn’t finish my clues.” She has learned this phrase verbatim from Khalid and Iman and their tendency to start guessing before the clues are even given.
“I’m thinking of an animo, ” Musfira continued, “It has four legs, a long… long… long…. neck. And, a tiny, small head.”
“Is it a diplodocus?” Khalid piped up excitedly from the back of the van.
“Nope!”
I felt I should translate. “Musfira, Khalid is asking if it’s a dinosaur.”
“Nope!”
Iman tried again, “Musfira are you sure it’s not Meow-Meow?”
“Nope!”
“Is your animal pink?” Iman pushed.
“Yes!” Musfira said.
A few seconds of silence passed. “Musfira,” I said slowly, “Are you thinking of… a pink dinosaur?”
“Hooray Momma! You did it!”
The game has only gotten better and more interesting since Musfira has started participating actively. HF was playing with her at bath-time the other day, and as he pulled her pajamas off he said, “Musfira, I’m thinking of an animal with four legs, a long neck, and it lives in the desert.”
“Oh! Izzit a chicken?”
“Musfira,” HF said, “This animal gives milk!”
(Musfira- who has a bovine milk allergy- has been raised on camel milk.)
“Izzit a milk?”
“Milk is not an animal dear.”
“Izzit a tannasaurus!”
And so, the awesomeness continues. Alhamdulillah.
Heartachingly Sweet
Iman: Momma, your hands are shaking!
Me: Yes, they do that sometimes dear.
Iman: I’ll stop it for you!
:holds my hand:
That’s my girl.
Countdown to Catastrophe!
If you hate Barney (you know you do) and you wish there were intelligent, adorable, totally halal, and well-written cartoons for children that also happened to be ISLAMIC!!! (talk about unrealistic expectations, hunh?) then I have bad news for you:
There are only five days left for the Misri Bunch kickstarter campaign to find Season 2 of their Names of Allah series.
- a sweet balance of cute & entertaining
- not an insult to your child’s intelligence
- the simple presentation of complex concepts that children learn and remember easily
If your kids haven’t seen this, they’re missing out.
And if season 2 doesn’t happen, we’re all missing out.
All of season1 is on You Tube, and well worth the watch. Season 2 needs funding for development, so please, please, PLEASE donate to their kickstarter and give a gift to all Muslim kids with internet access. Maybe even yours.
JazakAllahuKheiran 🙂
Hey, good news for a change!
Alhamdulillah!!! I’m going to be publishing my first book!
Given the last ten or so years of my blogging history, you’ll be surprised to hear it isn’t actually full of mortal wounds, kids stories, and personal reflections. It’s actually a children’s book, and I’m very excited.
The reason why I’m so excited is that the story is part of My Legacy. Yes, I’ve made it a proper noun for emphasis. For more information, see the new My Legacy tab on the top of the page. The way I see it, if I am not around to have important conversations with my children later, that doesn’t mean that I can’t script them now. So I’ve started writing stories for children, specifically, mine. And yours might enjoy them too.
I want to have at least one published story for Khalid, Iman, and Musfira. Iman’s has been accepted. Khalid’s was rejected, but the very kind publishers said they’d give it another look-over to see if reviewing it one more time will make it seaworthy. Musfira’s has been imagined but not yet completed, but hey, well begun is half done!
I’ve asked the publisher if they can actually illustrate the books to look like my kids, because if I’m not there, I want the kids to be able to see themselves still talking to me. I know, it’s kind of sappy- maybe even melodramatic, but when I think about passing away, the thing that tears at my heart most is not being away from my husband (sorry HF), it’s actually the thought of my children looking for their mother and not being able to find her. Of Iman seeking a cuddle and finding my empty room. Of Musfira crying for me and being hurt and confused why I’m not coming for her. Of Khalid panicking because I’ve disappeared and he can’t understand where I’ve gone.
If you think that’s bad (gee, look who’s crying again) the absolutely, positively worst thing I can think of is my children finding out that I’ve “gone back to Allah,” and then resenting Allah for having stolen their mother. My worst case scenario is my death pushing my children away from Islam, because as sad as I am to face leaving them in this life, that’s still nothing compared to the thought of any of my children turning away from Allah. So the stories serve a dual purpose, InshaAllah- of creating memories for my children in case I’m not there to make them, and of teaching my children about Allah in a way that reminds them of me positively (happy stories) versus negative (Allah took momma away).
But, back to being cheerful- Alhamdulillah! My first story has been accepted and I’m very excited. I’m fairly sure that if I hadn’t been Not-Dying-Yet, I wouldn’t have had the urgency to overcome my fear of submitting anything to a publisher. I would be too scared of being rejected to even try. But I did it, and they said yes. And now I’m going to do a little happy dance.
I’ll let you know when it’s published, InshaAllah. In the mean time, check out Greenbird Books, they have lots of really adorable Islamic stories for kids. And soon, InshaAllah, they’ll have mine too. 🙂
Ma-Ma?
So Khalid still doesn’t talk. At all. He doesn’t even say Mama. I mean, he does say things like akichigaa and gagin-gagin and mamamamamamaaaaaaa, but nothing with meaning and context.
I’m not worried about his development, just impatient to be able to communicate with him. All of the recommendations about helping ease sibling rivalry and smoothly introducing a new baby to your toddler involve communicating with your child and getting them to help you care for the baby. Multiple mothers, including all you lovely people in my comment box (I apologize for not being able to reply most of the time) recommend the same thing- let your toddler help and the problem will resolve itself.
I completely agree, but ‘please bring me the powder’ is about as meaningful to Khalid as akichigaa is to me. We’re not speaking the same language, and I know he gets frustrated trying to communicate what he wants. I end up handing him everything on the dining table only to find out he wants something from the window-sill behind it.
So how do you involve a non-verbal toddler in caring for a newborn? As it is right now, Khalid probably thinks his sister’s name is Gently. He approaches her, raises his hand, and is greeted with “Khalid jaan, gently. Gently… no whacking! Pat her gently, gently!” I wouldn’t be surprised if it was his first word, heh.
Ah well, Iman is doing well Alhamdulillah, and seems happy and amused at things in general when she’s awake. Alhamdulillah that newborns spend so much time sleeping, it gives me time to lavish some attention on Khalid when I’m not running after him and trying to put the house back together in his wake.
Gots to go, both kids are asleep and their mother needs a shower.
Over & Out,
Abez & Tribe
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