AssalamuAlaikum internets, good news! I’ve been upgraded from unknown and terminal to just chronic and only possibly life-threatening! Alhamdulillah! My original diagnosis of myopathy, unspecified (here and here) has been changed to Dysautonomia, subtype POTS and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, details of which are here.
So maybe I’m not dying after all! Oh wait, we all are, so in any case:
I NEED BLESSINGS!
Also, I am shamelessly soliciting prayers for:
- Contentment with the will of Allah
- Complete and Miraculous recovery
- Complete recovery of Khalid’s autism
- Unexpected conversion of my Mormon mother
- Ease for my family and children
So without beating around the bush, I am attempting to use my time & energy to accrue as many duas & good deeds as I can, in whatever way I can. When I die, I want to leave a legacy that keeps earning blessings for me even after I die. Whether that’s in the form of articles, stories, poetry, or FB shares, I don’t care how I build my legacy, I just want to contribute as much to my aakhira as possible.
So in case you wonder why all of a sudden I’m reposting my old poetry, or posting too much about dying, or getting all high and mighty about how zen I am about dying (maybe) please note: I don’t care.
Am I shamelessly seeking attention?
Absolutely! But it’s not yours, it’s Allah’s. If my melodramatic meanderings about this special needs mother with an incurable disease makes you grateful to Allah, or seek forgiveness from Him or fear your own account, then I have succeeded.
If sharing my crushing fears about my children’s emotional well-being after I die causes you to make dua for them, even better.
If my admission of sin and guilt inspires you to pray for my forgiveness, awesome. AllahuAkbar. I’m not asking for your pity. All I want is your prayers.
When we make dua for something and Allah withholds it from us, it’s because he has something better in store. I begged for Khalid not to have autism, but he did, and it’s made me a better human and a better mother.
I’ve pleaded for good health and physical recovery, but being sick has made me a better Muslim.
I’m praying for life and the chance to watch my children grow into adulthood, but you know what? If Allah withholds that from me, it’s because my death will be better- for myself, for my children, and for my aakhira. Because guess what- if I wasn’t sick right now I’d probably be playing video games instead of begging for mercy.
By Abez, The End.