Yes, this really is my 600th post, and yes, it really is going to be about zombies.
I used to play video games, and for some odd reason, that involved fighting alot of zombies. I’m not sure why the manufacturers of these games are so caught up in vanquishing zombies- it’s not like the real world has a serious undead infestation and as art imitates life, so must gaming. But, I understand why the zombies and not, say… the commies. Zombies are non-political, non-trademarked enemies that everyone understands and no one can really be offended by. Also, they’re scary.
Way too scary, for people like me apparently, who have not played any zombie-themed video games for years but still find themselves hosting zombie-dreams at night. Which is why, Khalid, Mystery Bean- you guys are only getting adorable video games with adorable non-dead enemies. And no blood. Or gore. Or eating of peoples’ faces.
I never thought I would be one of those uptight parents, but I fully expect to have both Khalid and Mystery Bean whining at me in a store about why they can’t buy BloodBath of the Starving Undead in the Castle of Carnage- The Sequel! (Director’s Cut: Now with more gore!) And I’m not sure how to go about convincing them that violent, gory video games will rot their brains, apart from providing my own example.
(We are not buying you that horrible game!)
(But Momma, why not?)
(It’ll give your momma nightmares!)
I suppose I’ll just have to explain it to them as best as I can and provide non-gory alternatives until they’re old enough to believe me. It seems dramatic and ridiculous, but there are still certain sounds, certain shadows- certain little creaks that stairs make- and all of a sudden I’m Jill Valentine, Leon, or Aya Brea, and I’m alone in the dark with no ammo, none of that magic first-aid spray, and no chance of surviving the onslaught.
So yeah. No zombies for Khalid and Mystery Bean.
And speaking of Mystery Bean, today is his/her due date, and no show! What gives! I know the 19th is only halfway over (it’s noon) but come on kid! Get out already! My account at babycenter.com, which has sent me week-by-week email on pregnancy for the last 40 weeks, has already switched over to newsletters for newborns!
Mystery Bean is late!