Today is the end of day three without Khalid’s caregiver and therapist Joy, insert witty jokes about the lack of Joy in our lives here.

Also, I don’t like email any more.  Or my phone.  Or the internet.  It all represents the constant inflow of work/requests/obligations that I am simply not equipped to handle without Joy on staff, and I am beginning to realize that in order to cope I may have to go partially AWOL from work.  Every time I open my inbox I see letters that needed urgent replies yesterday, work that’s overdue, follow-ups that I couldn’t make.  My RTM is an itemized list of so many pending tasks that the red flags are meaningless now.  I am frustrated, and the problem with being frustrated is that even if you do have five minutes to answer an email, you’re too frustrated to try.  It’s cyclical.

And I’m tired.  And frustrated.

And in the course of all this, my love, prayers, and admiration to all the autism mothers out there who DON’T have the benefit of trained caregivers, because you are braver, stronger, more patient women than I am.  You are also smarter than I am, because you’re probably not trying to launch a business and do consulting on the side.  You probably have your priorities straighter, and you might sleep better too.

I know this entry is uncharacteristically depressing for me, but it’s been a tough three days.  Unless I put everything else on hold, I can’t give Khalid the attention he deserves.  But because business moves whether or not you do, I can’t.  But at the end of the day, I might as well, because I’m so far behind that things are becoming irrelevant.

Sabr and Shukr.  Owl reminded me of Sabr and Shukr.  So I’ll take two of those.  And maybe, if I don’t hate my phone too much, you can call me in the morning.


Abez is a 50% white, 50% Pakistani, and 100% Muslim. She is also chronically ill and terminally awesome. She is the ever-lovin Momma of: - Khalid, a special little boy with autism - Iman, a special little girl with especially big hair -Musfira, an especially devious baby Spoiler, Abez is also Zeba Khan on

  1. Aasiya

    mashallah sister you are such an inspiration to all mothers. jazakillah khair for sharing your story! <3 may Alllah swt continue to give you strength and sabr and bless your family in dunya and akhirah, ameen.

    btw. mashallah i LOVED the article you wrote for MM about special needs parenting!

  2. danielle

    Zeba – I know you are a powerhouse but do throw work our way if you need to … we can do our best to keep things afloat for you. At the beginning delegating may seem like more work, but it will end up being much easier.

    I read your article about Khalid’s first day at school yesterday and it stayed with me all night. It was intense. love to all of you.

  3. Carol

    I have the time to come help out for the next month or two at your place, but…… not the money:( Why can’t time and money coexist?Would such an event rip the fabric of the space-time contengent. When you have one, you don’t have the other.
    Is Khalid still trying out the kindergarten? Momma hugs and prayers for you all.

  4. Abez

    I don’t know Momma, I think if both time and money existed in the same place then mankind wouldn’t run out of excuses, as well as challenges, and hey, where would the human race be then? :p

    School is closed for the Eid Holidays and will open up next week. And we’ll blog about day two as soon as that happens. 🙂

  5. Owl

    Wait, I reminded you of something good? Howcome I don’t remember that? My brain is full of dust bunnies. Also, I have your yak cheese.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: