I am well aware that the blog I’m about to type may land me in hot water with Chai, Baji, and other Godiva devotees worldwide, but I have something to say. Godiva is passé. The best thing since sliced bread is Bateel Chocolatiers. And I say these things in the name of rich, smooth, almond-stuffed and chocolate-covered date truffles, amen.
Knicq, who will henceforth be known as He Who Brought Bateel, called this morning at the ungodly hour of eight o’clock and informed us that he was half an hour away from arriving. My father received the phone call and woke us up. An appropriate cleaning frenzy ensued. (Come on, whose house is clean at eight in the morning? That’s preposterous.)
At 8:35 am, hordes of adoring Knicq fans had lined the driveway expectantly anticipating his arrival and oops, I’m lying but I was really excited. I think Knicq Bhai is brilliant, even if he does have body dysmorphia. Body dysmorphia, my dear friends, is the condition where your mental image of yourself is drastically different from how you look. Case in point: the last line of Knicq’s profile reads:
Fat, Bald, Bearded, Bespectacled.
In truth, not only is Knicq Bhai not fat, he’s also:
but does have glasses
We had been expecting a short, round, bald man with patchy facial hair to amble in the door way at 8:40-ish, what we got instead was a tall, non-bald and only sort of scruffy person who was SO not fat. In fact, I think I should put a petition in with Knicq’s wifey to feed the poor man whether he wants to eat or not. He’s looking underfed, bechara, which is why we lavishly breakfasted him. I asked him if he had had breakfast already, and although he said yes, we figured out that he did in fact have room for yet another breakfast, which is a good sign. He had, after all, been decimating the gingerbread population without mercy. He ate an entire…um, two cookies. Poor Knicq, I think starvation has caused his stomach to shrink.
Then we picked his brains about real-estate, job opportunities and the living standard in the UAE. He played vicarious tour-guide for a good 45 minutes while simultaneously playing with Narni’s cheeks (Narni: Lil Grey Crayon’s new wombat). Knicq Bhai is a father himself, and like any proud parent, he came armed with photos. We thought we’d show off with two family portraits, but he whipped out an entire album. MashaAllah, he has precious kids, and in case you’re wondering, By the Grace of Allah, they look like their mother. *phew*
Around noonish we ran out of food and in an attempt to prevent the underfed Knicq from eating one of Crayon’s children, we sent him off to Mirpur for his brother’s wedding. We also sent him with a box of cookies to ward off starvation and the explicit instructions to come again on the way back. On a scale of one to ten, the family collective gives Knicq an 11 for causing at least four people at the dining table to guffaw simultaneously and an additional five points for being able to get a word in edgewise with Abbu, who may actually be out-talked for the first time in his life. Three cheers for Knicq Bhai! Y’all come back now, you hear? 😀